Evie: Over a year alcohol-free; my life has changed for the better.

Before Evie Jay, 32, cut out alcohol, a typical evening would involve too much wine and she’d wake up the next day with an awful headache worrying what she had said or done.

Now she loves to go out for a run near to her home in Brunswick Green, near Newcastle, to clear her head and reduce anxiety. But healthy coping strategies haven’t always been such a big part of Evie’s life.

She grew up around alcohol, which was tough. The men in her family drank heavily, and she remembers feeling panicky because of drunken fights.

Evie started drinking alcohol herself when she was around 14, as a means of escaping abusive relationships at home and bullying she experienced at school.

She said: “Things went on a downward spiral after I started drinking alcohol as a teenager. I remember drinking heavily until I would blackout. I struggled with my mental health and used alcohol to cope with the issues I was facing.

“During lockdown, things were getting out of hand. I could never just have one glass of wine, it was always more. When I fell pregnant with my daughter Ellie, it was a break from alcohol – but after she was born, I struggled with post-natal depression so I started drinking again.”

The change came when Evie’s sister-in-law stopped drinking and explained how she’d done it and the difference it had made to her life.

“After that conversation, it was in my mind to have a reset with alcohol. The trigger was around Christmas 2022 when it was my other half’s birthday. We were out and I ended up drinking too much and waking up the next day with the worst anxiety, worrying about what I had said or done.

“That was my ‘epiphany’ moment. I realised how many relationships had been impacted because of alcohol, the friendships destroyed and the worry that things were heading the way they had in my childhood. I didn’t want that for Ellie. It opened my eyes and I was determined that she wouldn’t ever see me in that way.

“I took a break from alcohol for eight months. It was hard but I started baking and keeping myself busy.

“When I went through another stressful period of time, I started drinking again and the hangovers were worse than ever. I finally recognised how alcohol was heightening my anxiety.

“I was using it to escape from my problems, but in reality I was catastrophising everything because of alcohol. Alcohol is pushed onto you as a way of relaxing, but all it does is distance you from yourself. In the ads, you only ever see the ‘glamorous’ side of alcohol – but it doesn’t show you the after effects.

“I had bad IBS, wasn’t sleeping well, and my anxiety and depression peaked. I never thought of myself as a problem drinker, because I wasn’t drinking at breakfast – that’s what I said to myself for reassurance.

“I’m an all or nothing person, so after a month of drinking again, I decided to cut it out for good. It’s had such a positive effect on us all. My other half has massively cut down on alcohol too. He still drinks occasionally, but it’s never to excess.

“For the first six months, I didn’t do a lot, as it was hard. I read books, listened to podcasts and ran. Instagram has been great, as there’s a real sober community and trend in cutting back, so I found lots of like-minded people on there.

“I think that the absolute hardest part of quitting drinking was learning how to sit through difficult emotions as I’d always just drowned them in wine. When you don’t drink you need to actually sit and really feel your emotions which can be so scary when you’ve spent years suppressing them. It’s been so hard learning how to do that but it’s so enlightening and freeing to be able to sit with a negative emotion and just feel it, try to understand it and work through it.

“Now I’ve been alcohol-free for over a year and I’m a totally different person. I am so glad that I don’t wake up with hangovers anymore. I work in employability for the NHS and I feel so much more productive. I’m definitely more aware of the health harms of alcohol now.

“When I was drinking, I put off going to the doctors but now I’ve been able to address the physical and mental health issues I have, including PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder – severe PMS symptoms including depression, irritability and tension) and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) – which I’m sure alcohol was worsening.

Evie was also shocked to discover the link between alcohol and breast cancer.

She says: “I didn’t realise that alcohol had links to breast cancer. I actually found a lump in my breast a couple of months after quitting alcohol and went for a check, luckily, it wasn’t cancer.

“But I remember the panic and it was so scary. You hear ‘alcohol can cause cancer’ but it doesn’t really hit home until it hits you yourself. It’s just another reason I’m pleased I don’t drink anymore.”

Since quitting alcohol,  Evie has been feeling much healthier. She says:

“My sleep has improved loads – around week 3 of stopping drinking, I found that I was sleeping like a log! My anxiety has reduced and although I still have bouts of depression, I feel so much better in myself. I’m more present, more fun and we do nice things as a family – like walking, painting, soft play. When we went on holiday recently, it was so nice to get up for the sunrise and go down for breakfast. It’s the first time I’ve ever done that on a holiday.

“Other benefits – I’ve lost weight, I have shinier hair, my skin looks so much better now. I call it the ‘sober face lift’!

“I make more time for me now. I’m a better friend, a better partner and a better mum.”